3 Communication ModelsĪccording to studies, the specific communication model that often leads to relationship issues is a result of a pattern of interaction known as the Pursuer – Distancer. In EFT couples therapy, these are called “demon dialogues.” They are recognized as increasing feelings of emotional aloneness. Many couples get caught up in arguments that follow certain patterns leading to escalation of the distress. How we respond during these moments of disconnection determines the quality of our relationships. There is neurological evidence for the changes in our brain activity during these moments of panic about being abandoned. All couples experience moments of emotional disconnection these occur when needs aren’t clearly communicated or are misunderstood. AttachmentĪttachment theory states that isolation, whether physical or emotional, is traumatizing. Being attached to another adult provides us with a strong sense of safety and security, both emotionally and physically. This primitive survival need develops into the adult need for a secure emotional bond. The need for secure attachment is seen as a life-long emotional need, beginning in infancy and persisting throughout adulthood. Partners’ complaints and demands actually represent a cry for help, a request to be loved in a certain way.” – Gal Szekely, LMFT, Director of The Couples Center Core Concepts of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy From this perspective, it makes sense why relationship challenges tend to cause us so much distress, because they can undermine our fundamental need to feel that our partner is there for us, available, and responsive to our needs. Attachment theory claims that our need to feel securely attached to our caregiver in childhood, and later in life to our romantic partner, is a biological need. “What is unique about Emotionally Focused Therapy is that it closely follows the main principles of Attachment theory, which has received ample scientific validation. The core concepts are the importance of emotions to our survival as humans, the role of emotion in attachment and relationships, and the ways in which attachment can be strengthened to allow for optimal inter-dependency and emotional regulation. What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?ĮFT is based on the theory of attachment, the therapeutic conditions of experiential therapy, and elements of family systems therapy.
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